house demolished hands improving healing taking place

Last night was the first night since I have been back from Sarasota that I didn’t dream of moving and boxes and lots of stuff. Demolition has been completed on the house. My hands are much improved but have not returned to normal yet. Numbness mostly diminished. Slight pain in the meaty part of fingers near palm but mostly the pain is in the last part of finger joints, near fingertips. Way, way better. It is definitely going away. Now I have a cold. Pretty sure this whole thing is related and was some sort of toxic reaction to all the pesticide, dirt, dead rats, and rat and cockroach feces, not to mention the 12 hour days of heavy labor every single day for a month.

no pics of the den before

It saddens me to realize that I didn’t take any “before” pictures of the den. I have no pictures of all of those books on the shelves, none of which I got to keep, most of which had been pretty much destroyed in one way or another.

I’m sure that God is somehow looking out for me by not letting me have any before pictures. Perhaps I would have been greatly saddened by seeing them, all of those books that I had always looked forward to being mine one day. I am greatly saddened, regardless, however. I remember them. I remember so many of them and I remember how they were so destroyed. I can’t help but wonder now, though, in the absence of photos, if I would have, if I should have, tried to save more of them. There is no space for stuff. I don’t have any space. I did the right thing. It still makes me so sad.

Every bookshelf was full. I have pictures of all of the empty bookshelves, after I had thrown all the books away. I just don’t have any before pictures. I probably didn’t think to take any because I had started that room when Mom and Morris were there, knowing that I would be able to do that room without a lot of pushback. I got an empty Avon box and just kept filling it up and going to the dumpster, back and forth and back and forth. That was what probably made my hands start to hurt, carrying all of those heavy boxes by just the edge of the box.

Every bookshelf had a layer to the back of the books, one to two inches deep, of shredded paper from where the roaches and rats had eaten the books. Most of the spines of the books had been chewed off. There were silverfish scurrying about everywhere and a few large, live roaches back in the shredded mess. As I got to the back layer of the bookshelves, I would put a box at the edge of the shelf and grab a broom and sweep all of the mess into the box. It was a thick black dust of roach droppings mixed with so much shredded mess, sometimes an entire box full of this stuff per bookshelf. So many wonderful books were destroyed. After I was over halfway done with the room, really more like 2/3 done, Mom said something about “are you checking inside the books first?” My heart dropped. I hadn’t really been. I feel like I would have seen something if it was in there, but I was in such a fit of frenzy, in retrospect, that I might have missed something. After she said that I found a book that had some photos in it and I checked every book thereafter. I found a will that she had written a very long time ago, before I was born, and then I found more photos. I wished she had mentioned that sooner.

It wasn’t until the next day that I realized I had not taken any before pictures. I can never get that experience back now. I can never see all of those books on the shelves ever, ever again.

// this is the revised version that I posted to FB
I’ve been looking back over pictures of the house and I didn’t take as many before pictures as I should have. I took pictures as I finished rooms. I don’t have any pictures of the den. So many bookshelves, filled with books, all of which were ruined in one way or another. So many books I had hoped would one day be mine. I don’t have a single picture of anything until I cleaned the bookshelves off entirely. I have one picture of a small area of shredded mess, one tiny little area of one bookshelf.

I don’t know why I don’t have any pictures of that room “before”. It makes me sad. It was a lot of work, putting all of those books into an open box and then dumping the box in the dumpster, back and forth and back and forth, sweeping up the shredded mess of roach droppings and rat-shredded paper that was a couple inches deep against the back of the bookshelves, behind all the books, many of whose spines had been entirely chewed off by the rats. Floor to ceiling bookshelves, the length of the room. That was the room that should’ve been mine but never got to be, because it was filled up before I was old enough to have my own room. I loved those books though. No pictures. I still can’t believe it.

I went through the folder from the 2001 cleanup event and found a tiny bit of one shelf, pre-rats, where I can make out a few books. I guess that is all I am gonna get. I was so proud of myself to have gotten behind the door and made that flat area on the cot and the entrance to the room clear. Junior classics, bottom shelf. That is the same shelf from the picture way above, behind the books. Really going to bed now. Some day I will read the junior classics at the library.

second day home after house cleanup – back to work

Post written at 20161207-1235 but predated to reflect the appropriate day.

All of my dreams the night prior were of sorting through and packing boxes at the house. Every single one. I do want to be able to remember the task, so I guess that is ok. I can already tell that being here removes me from it. Also, trying to convey it to someone else is largely unsuccessful. There is no way to describe the ordeal effectively to someone. It cannot be properly experienced without having gone through it. I guess it doesn’t matter. Nobody really needs to understand and appreciate what I did besides me.

Working was a challenge. I am definitely at a handicap now because of the problem with my hands. I hope they heal quickly. I can’t properly grip the chiller for the white wine bottles and I can’t effectively carry as many plates as I could before. Just grabbing a pitcher of water to pour hurts. This has to heal and right away. I am nervous about the pain I will have to endure as a bartender.

I just went over and grabbed the notebook so I can remember to practice my cursive writing after I finish this journal entry. I think that is important.

I would like to remember more of what the process was that I went through at the house. I think the details are going to be important.

I had to make very quick decisions on everything. Like, as in split-second decisions most of the time. Everything was dirty. There was a layer about an inch deep of roach droppings and rat droppings and decaying and decomposing rats on the floor. As I went through an area I would sweep the floor to make it seem more clear. That clarity pushed me onward in the pursuit of order. I soon learned that decomposing rat remains look, or are shrouded in, a mound of shredded looking stuff: paper and carpet and just unidentifiable mess. As you sweep it with the broom it happens that eventually a rat tail or some bones or a skull is revealed. This happened on and on and on. It is a good thing I don’t really have a problem with spiders, because they really were everywhere. Thank goodness I didn’t see that many live roaches, just a bunch of droppings and remains.

I guess I am getting sleepy. I had better try to write in cursive for a bit.

first day home after house cleanup

This post was written 20161206-0919 but I changed the date to reflect the day it describes. By the time on this post I was long asleep.

All I felt like doing on my first day back was sleeping. I got unpacked the night before but there were still a few little things on my desk. I never really put them away. I made it to the bank, thankfully, or else I would’ve bounced something. I got my checkbook register up to date. I created a balance sheet in Google sheets for the cleanup.

All I had to eat in the apartment was some instant oatmael, the packet of salmon that mom had given me and some greek yogurt. I didn’t feel like going anywhere or doing anything but sleep. I finally took a shower in the evening, washed my hair, shaved and plucked my eyebrows. That made me feel slightly better, but not much.

I had to go to Ted’s to clock in, so I stopped by CVS afterwards and got some Kashi bars and some Advil PM (the brand name this time, in case it works better).

I kept thinking about the stuff in the attic and the tree out back. I wish I had climbed the tree and I wish I had made that day worker guy, Thomas, drag the stuff down from the attic, all of it. Part of me wants to catch a round trip to Tampa and zip car over there for a day and do those things. I would have to decide very soon. I texted Chris, the buyer, to ask about when the actual demolition will be taking place because I was thinking about this. He never wrote back. That guy is on my shit list. He told me he would give me $15/hour. I knew he wouldn’t. I tallied up the hours and it came to 275.5 hours total. The cheapskate gave me only $400. That is not even enough to pay my petsitter. Jerk.

My hands were still numb and sore all day. I used the handheld massager on my forearms and the infared light. I slept with a heating pad under my low back and kept the infared light by the bed for my hands.

I have, since I got back, decided that I need to get better at cursive writing. I will practice every day. My Mom’s handwriting is so beautiful. All of those letters that I found in her script made me realize I need to get better at it.

house cleanup day 27

20161204 07:30-12:00 (4.5 hours)

Post was written at 20161205-1522 but predated to reflect when the work was done.

I went to storage to rearrange the Avon room some more. I unpacked a few more boxes and stacked the plastic drawer things. Mom made me leave two empty boxes there for her to put things in to give to Sue. ugh.

I went back to the house to drop off the other empty boxes. I took a last look at the house. I wished I had the energy and time to get up in the attic, but I just couldn’t. I’m too tired and too sore and it is too late and I have to get back.

I took some pictures of the house and cried with Mom at the front door. Saying goodbye to my childhood house for the last time ever made me very sad. Then we went to Harbor Towers and I put the fax/printer back on the sofa and blocked the passage so she wouldn’t fill it up with stuff.

She gave me a sandwich that she had made, a chicken patty with grilled onions. It was good.

I stopped at Dad’s on the way out to give him the Shape-O toy for Nico. He gave me $100 and I ate some soup he had made. I helped him move a plant back inside.

I got on the road. It was a rough drive for the first half as I was really tired and I kept thinking of things. So much on my mind… I meant to climb the tree in the back of the house and take a picture. I never got to do that and now I will never be able to. I wanna go back. I wanted to get those suitcases from the attic and find more Coppercraft up there. I wasn’t done, but I had to leave. I was very upset.

At around 6:30 I called and talked to Paul. We talked for a couple hours. That helped pass the time.

It took me a couple hours to get everything unpacked. I’m glad I didn’t bring more stuff home this time. I’m so tired of everything. I will have to go back within a few months though.

house cleanup day 26

20161203 06:00-17:30 (11.5 hours)

Post was written on 20161205-1504 but was predated to the day the work was done. Hopefully I can remember everything.

I took Advil PM and a couple trazodone but I couldn’t get to sleep until almost 2am. My hands hurt so bad. I slept until 4am and then couldn’t get back to sleep. I lied there until about 5:15 and then decided I might as well just get up and go to storage to rearrange everything.

I focused mostly on the Avon storage area, trying to make sure it was just mostly Avon stuff and arranging it in a way that makes sense and so she could get to it. This is the worst part of this task, because I know she doesn’t actually sell it and I have a huge resentment to it for screwing up her life and mine, but I did it anyway. The Tupperware is in the back left corner. Then along the back wall next to it are totes and beach towels. The inside right corner has nothing with liquid on it. The SSS products are all in the front middle, in an island, and in some of the plastic drawer things. I took some things out of boxes and put them in the plastic drawers, as sorted as possible.

I moved some things over to the permanent storage.

I got her hobby stuff out of my permanent storage. Not sure what else I did. I was very tired today. I took the empty boxes back over to Siesta Key and went to the beach to watch the Sunset and to put my feet in the sand. I got in the water up past my elbows, that the water may heal me. It was a bit cold for a swim so I stood there, facing where the Sun had set, and meditated. The beach always makes want to move home.

I went to Harbor Towers and ate the other half of my sandwich at the little chair in the condo’s kitchen and then went to sleep without the aid of any medicine just before 7pm. I woke up at 10pm and took my sleep meds. I slept all night. The light was off, which was nice.

house cleanup day 25

7:15 to 3pm then to storage until 10:15 pm (15 hours)

Post was written 20161203-0133 but predated to reflect the date the work was done.

Went over to the house with the truck and got most of the little things I had all over the place. I was there until 3pm doing that, then I went to storage where I stayed until 10:15. That was a nightmare.

I kept too much stuff from the house. My storage unit is full and I can’t keep that storage after 3 months.

I moved the furniture to the edges and moved all the paintings except two back into Mom’s storage. I moved the shelves to the edge and stacked them with all the smaller items that would fit, in as logical a way as possible. That took a long, long time. I tried to put like items in the same area. Of course, the idiot crew put stuff in the temporary storage that shouldn’t have been there and vice versa and had everything in completely inconvenient and illogical places, so I had to move everything 3 or 4 times.

Then I went to move the Tupperware into the very temporary Tupperware storage room. Ugh. I shouldn’t have kept all that Tupperware for her. I got rid of about 4 boxes. I put it in the truck and drove it back to the dumpster. I should find some more stuff to get rid of too. Unfortunately, when I went out with the boxes it was after 10pm so I couldn’t put the cart back inside. I left it by the door. I hope it will be ok until morning. I should try to get there early, before management.

I’ve gotta move stuff from my storage back into hers tomorrow so she doesn’t block the pathways to the areas in the back by filling it up with Avon and stuff. I had tried to leave space for her to open drawers and so forth but I don’t think that is going to work out well in the long run. I need to set her up to get rid of Avon and other stuff.

Mom called, she got stuck in a ditch. I was very angry at the time that she called. I forgot to pick up my sleep meds and my birth control pills from the pharmacy. I hope I can sleep tonight. I have to take my pill in the morning and they don’t open until 8am. Very inconvenient to have to go over there first. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want to relax on my last day here. I’d like to get my laundry done so I don’t have to do it at the Darlington. I’d like to look through the photos a little. I’d like to have my storage unit in a way that makes sense instead of in the chaos that it currently is.

I don’t have a pet sitter as of tomorrow. I have to drive back Sunday anyway because rent is due Monday. They should be ok for two days, right?

Dear God, please help me sleep tonight. Thanks.

house clean up day 24

Today I worked almost 15 hours on trying to get things moved. It was a raging charlie foxtrot.

This is the problem of not having an actual moving company. The buyer and ONE of his employees were moving the stuff into storage into 3 units that turned into 4 by the end of the day.

It was in the contract that he would move the stuff.

That was not enough help. I needed to be able to just be trackside.

Stuff got put in all wrong. Furthermore, I didn’t trust him to move the paintings nor anything that I wanted to keep separate.

I got a truck and went back to get all the paintings. too tired to write more tomorrow

house clean up day 23

Last day to pack. Truck is coming tomorrow.

“help me focus. really the last day. truck coming tomorrow. stuff is everywhere, still not packed. PMSing. flustered. tired. hurting. worried. scared. must get it together. already hours wasted today and nothing accomplished.”

Stuff is still all over the carport from yesterday’s excavation from the shed. I went to do Paul’s closet, I think first. I also was just packing things into boxes here and there, miscellaneous style, whenever I saw stuff around. Early in the day the code lady from Sarasota county came by and we talked for at least 30 minutes, so there was some time wasted there.

I took another look at the trunk in the family room. The bottom wood strips on each side rotted off mostly. I took a hammer and pried off the remaining pieces. The handles are broken but otherwise the trunk is ok. New boards could be nailed to the bottom. I am tempted to keep it, especially since Paul has claimed the other one. The other one is much cooler looking, with a rounded top. It looks like a treasure chest.

It is trash day. I realized I needed to do much more in the utility room. I got the cans and filled them with the junk on the top shelves. I labeled and closed the avon boxes that were in there still. I cleared off the plastic shelves and most of the metal shelf that was in there. There are still a few things on the metal shelf.

I properly packed all of the glass stuff and porcelain stuff that I had temporarily placed on the book shelves in the den, including the stuff Paolita had made and similar decor. I put a couple of Paolita’s statues in with my heirloom pitcher. I also packed up Mom’s dishes that she likes and her zodiac glasses.

Gary came by and got Mom’s car started and they moved it. Yay. That will make it easier. Wish they had done that a long time ago. I went through the carport some more. Now there is a bunch of stuff on a table that was on top of her car. I will have to move all of that.

I cleaned out the two closets that had towels and sheets in them (in the hall and in the bathroom.) I found a vintage electronic tape recording machine and I think it was a movie reel thing or something in the process. I found Paul’s Star Wars sheets, which are really cool. Too bad I don’t have a twin size bed. I am keeping the sheets. They’re awesome.

I took down the folding table that was in the living room. I still have the miscellaneous stuff that was on top of it to pack.

I packed the vinyl records in the 18 gallon plastic bins that I bought at Target the other night. There are 3 record storage crates, so I left those in there but the others fit perfectly in 3 of the 18 gallon bins. I moved the 8-track tapes in with the vinyl. I will probably have to put those in my storage.

I put some of Mom’s SSS into plastic bins. I still have lots of available plastic bins to use and I would like to have the time to rebox things into those as they are far superior to Avon boxes. I definitely should try to box things that will be kept for a while into those and also the sentimental letters and stuff, as that needs to be in a plastic bin instead of in a paper one for protective reasons. I would’ve liked to be able to properly sort some of Mom’s stuff into her plastic drawers and eliminate some boxes. Maybe I will get to do that before I go. That’d be nice.

Mom told me as I was leaving about some file cabinets with papers and stuff in them that are in the shed. Ugh. I also never made it back up to the attic.

I still haven’t figured out what to do about the Telefunken. Mom wants to keep the Lloyd’s turntable and speakers. She cleaned off her sewing desk and the computer desk and wants to keep those. She cleaned off her kiln. I got rid of most of the stuff that was in the trunk in Paul’s closet. I kept a little bit of fabric out and will have to either box it or whatever tomorrow.

I really hope that my hands stop hurting soon after this is over. I don’t know what has been going on with them. Every morning they hurt very bad and are sometimes hurting and numb as well. This morning it was especially bad. Hopefully tomorrow won’t be bad and hopefully I sleep well tonight. I had better get up there and try to relax. (I wrote this in the rec room.)

Tomorrow, please go very well. Help me to have complete clarity and place things in the most mindful and efficient manner. Help me to make the proper decisions for everything and everyone. Thank you.

house clean up day 22

20161129 08:30-9:00 (12.5 hours)

Today I worked in Paul’s room, emptying out the closet and folding the clothes that I want to keep and getting rid of the rest. I put a few in her bag of clothes, which I don’t think should be kept in a bag. I boxed up her bagged Avon clothes and the new sheets.

I also cleaned up the mess that had been left in the carport. I threw some away and boxed some up and moved it to the living room. The living room is getting quite full.

I got rid of some junk in the kitchen. I boxed up one box of large Vanilla extracts in a plastic box and got rid of the rest.

Gary (Mom’s scrapper friend) came over to help again for a bit. He’s actually been quite helpful and is nice.

I moved the plastic drawer furniture to the living room to get a sense of how much space it will all take up. Mom spent much time wiping it off.

I reboxed my crystal heirloom bowl. It was my great, great grandparent’s. I also started to box the heirloom pitcher.

It’s way late. I’ve got to get to sleep. Last night I didn’t get much sleep at all. I woke up at 3, coughing, probably thanks to all the stress and the time spent in the attic. I had to go downstairs to get my cough Rx and then I was awakened again by Morris at around 4am.

Tomorrow is my last day to pack. They are getting a truck on Thursday.

I’m trying to decide if I want to keep that Telefunken HiFi cabinet turntable radio thing. It looks so cool but the rats chewed through a cable in the back. I will have to have a better look at it tomorrow. I would need a bigger storage to keep it.

I just remembered that I reserved a U-Haul for tomorrow. I wonder if I should cancel it or keep it. I still have a bunch of packing to do.