Month: September 2006

Repose ?

Rest in peace?
Amusing notion.
Writhe,
Scream,
Trapped in the sepulcher,
Forgotten by the mortal world.
Purgatory –
Biting,
Pinching,
Piercing Agony –
Infernal heat.
Desperation,
Disgust,
Contempt for pious deceptions.
Lost in the emptiness,
Dejected,
Alone,
Besieged by the venomous black.
The ingress
To eternal darkness
Beckons.
The labyrinth
Of infinite torment
Awaits.

new moon, autumn equinox

blackened sky for a new lie
changing season
old hopes die
cold and creepy
time to rise
from the ashes
of summer’s demise

don’t kiss me
don’t feel
don’t hold me
unreal
just leave now
unmissed
i just don’t
want this

everything comes back around
climb the wall
to reach the ground
fake your smile
kill your heart
to win the game
you play your part

don’t kiss me
don’t feel
don’t hold me
unreal
just leave now
unmissed
i just don’t
want this

same as it ever was
same as it ever was
same as it ever was
i just don’t want this.

society

paint your face on
and speak your lines
close the door to the real
and step into “reality”

nobody knows you here
and nobody here is worth knowing
including you

shuffle and deal
same lousy hand

every person the same

go fish
it’s red tide

breathe it in
swallow it whole
choke on it

Wakulla Springs support dive

Things were a little behind schedule at Wakulla since they had hired a film crew and interviews were taking a little time. I was glad to have time for a little nap before my long support shift. I was paired up with KC, which is always a pleasure. We took 2 stages each and a scooter of our own. Our first trip was to take the deco rebreathers down to the trough at 120′, to take a couple bottles of air down to the troughs and fill them all, and to take food tubes to the habitats. We dropped off the food tubes and our extra stage first and then headed down to drop off the rebreathers. The flow was ridiculous. As we got near the 120′ trough our speed slowed dramatically, due to the added drag of carrying the deco rebreathers, which were _very_ heavy. KC helped me unclip mine, which was highly appreciated. Carrying those things in is no easy task, that is for sure. Every time I do it, it gets a little bit easier, but it still is really rough. We filled a trough and headed back up to meet and greet DR and JM, pick up their extra gear from them and the cave radio, and get a note from them about their time plan; they were at around 90 ft at the time. DR was listening to his Oceanic mp3 player while on deco. He passed it to me and I was amazed to hear how clear and how loud it was. WOW. I want one of those 🙂 We headed back to the surface. I had the (deceptively heavy for its size) cave radio and KC had their scooters and bottles. We didn’t bother doing any O2 on this trip up. Once at the surface, we grabbed another air tank to fill more troughs and headed back, grabbing our other stage at the habitat on the way. We had to retrieve the drop weights for JJ’s deco harness and take them back down to 120 to clip them off with the rebreathers. We filled a couple troughs with the remaining air and headed back up after a few minutes on O2. On our third trip we were to go down to meet and greet team 2 (JR and MG). We got a note from them. KC took all of JR’s gear (3 scooters and 3 bottles) and I took all of MG’s gear (same). We met up with the next support diver shift at 30′ and exchanged notes to relay what was going on to them. We had now done 3 repetitive, high-exertion dives with max depths in the 120′ to 160′ range and we had been in the water for about 3 hours toal, so we ascended slowly to 20′ then did about 10-12 minutes of oxygen there and then surfaced slowly. We had gotten a lot accomplished. All in all, I think we pulled a great support shift. It was exhausting, but very satisfying. It’s good to be a part of the team.

back at the gym

yesterday I decided to start actually *going* to the gym again, instead of just working out at home.

Workout was 45 minutes of cardio, followed by an hour of strength (legs, back and biceps). I had to answer someone’s question about how much I could curl – as of now, 40 lbs. for reps, 50 lbs. for strength (barbell, not dumbell, of course, I’m not _that_ much of a brute, yet)

Then I went dancing.

I’m so sore. I need more protein.

reflection

shiver
paralyzed except for the shaking
rock back and forth in your seat
trying to calm your self
like mother to baby
wince
shaking your head back and forth, an uncontrollable no
remind yourself to breathe
even though you don’t want to
cup your face with your hands to hold it still
no
cant stop shaking your head no
close your eyes
it is still there
every time
you blink
haunting you in a dirty mirror
spit on it

© pinarosana 2006

the drive

the hot sticky thick mist
chills me
with familiarity
dampening the windshield from the mixing of temperatures
a deer lays still on the side of the road
undead and suffering, obvious only by the expression on her motionless face
trees sway in howling anticipation
the storm is approaching
blink,
crash.

that explains it

Yesterday was a full moon.

I LOVE full moons. They empower me.
Similarly, I tend to dislike new moons. They unnerve me.

in a parallel universe… I loved differential calculus and was not fond of integral calculus.

one might conclude that I am gifted at and empowered by tearing things down or taking them apart, and challenged by or anxious at putting them back together.

perhaps this explains my propensity for negativity – I consider it my gift.